Totally Choice

review: A new member of the family blog: http://gingersmom.blogspot.com/

The author, Ginger’s Mom, recently posted an entry about a new addition to her family. No, it’s not a baby. It is Steve Buscemi!

Ok, not the real Steve Buscemi. She purchased a fish that she named Steve Buscemi because of its uncanning resemblance to the stunningly beautiful actor.

Very funny. Also laugh worthy; because of the way her children treat the fish, she adds,

Pray for Steve. I’m not sure he’s gonna make it….”

I most certainly will. However, if the fish is unable to survive it’s new habitat, may I suggest a new celebrity look-a-like pet? I found this picture of a pig:

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it looks a lot like Michael Moore.

Ginger’s Mom, I rate your blog entry “Totally Choice.”

Review: Person of the Year Source: Brad the Gorilla

If Google did not already own enough of pseudo-reality, it would appear as though they are dipping into the human-dominance market by first dabbling in controversial experiments involving primate monopolization. This latest blog review highlights Time’s new “Person of the Year“, Brad the Gorilla, who was sadly forced to change his name to incorporate Google’s logo. Freaking great, BRAD. How much you get for that brilliant gig? No doubt your soul is being whored out on YouTube and is underhandedly spying on my hard drive as I write the words Google and Brad in the same blog post.

I recently sat down with Brad’s second cousin [name withheld], whom we met last year on a chance visit to the Henry Doorly Zoo. In a refreshingly down-to-earth interview, upon my initial hello, he took a shit, ate it, puked it up, and then ate the vomit. Posted below are some of the highlights from our conversation, a Totally Choice Exclusive:

the intern: “You know, of course, that the first question is invariably “Where were you on 9-11″?

Brad’s 2nd Cousin: “oooh oooh oooh EEE AHH AHH AHHHHH”

the intern: “Uh-huh. Fascinating. Heartbreaking. Let me jump right into an excerpt from your most recent book, “Conservative Biases in American Zoology”, where you reference the right-wing agenda to fabricate the truth in Global Warming by developing a platform in which corporations can dominate nature through the monopolization of the animal kingdom. As you purport, “George Bush Hates Ape-People”. How do you defend such an accusation while keeping your wits about you?”

Brad’s 2nd Cousin: *scratches nether-regions*

the intern: “I see. How do you feel then, when your own flesh-and-blood falls prey to the very thing you are trying to defeat?

Brad’s 2nd Cousin: *inexplicably flings a small pile of excrement at exterior window*

the intern: “Powerful. Thank you for your time today. I think we can all learn an invaluable lesson from your example.”

Tsk Tsk Goroogle. Now, even the Ape Community has fallen prey to your mass marketing, imperialistic agenda. Does PETA know about this? And since when did Time start taking bribes? Cross your fingers that W will be raising the alert level soon, to distract the masses from questioning the validity of this stint.

Google, Time Magazine, and Brad would get a Totally Bogus for this blatant act of tyranny, if it weren’t for the fact that Brad got me to Google the word encomium. For that, Brad the Gorilla officially receives a 2 on the scale of Choiceness.

review: Sean Penn Demands Impeachment  blog: http://www.democrats.com/

I’ll admit, the first time I read this entry; I didn’t quite “get it.”  I thought, “Who could be ignorant enough to agree with Sean Penn’s delusion that our president could be legally impeached?”

Then, like a board hitting John Kerry’s face (and molding it forever), it hit me!  The author isn’t ignorant; he’s sarcastic!  Oh man, absolutely hilarious!  The funniest part, in my opinion, is when the author wrote,

Will the TV networks make amends to Penn? Will he be interviewed about Iraq and impeachment by Tim Russert, George Stephanopoulos, Brian Williams, Katie Couric, Larry King, Bill O’Reilly, Chris Matthews, and the rest of the talking heads? Let’s ask them!”

Yeah right!  Like the mainstream media doesn’t already have relevant news to cover.  My goodness, I’m crying, I’m laughing so hard.

For being such a humorous blog entry, I’d like to award it a perfect score.  However, as it may be taken literally by someone lacking my keen sense and wit, I’ll have to drop it two marks to an eight.  Hey, don’t frown.  Eight is still “Pretty Choice!”

Review: Americans Source: Nata2

Are US Balls too big for their britches? I’m going to go with, yes. Totally Bogus, and yet Totally Choice at the same time. ‘Eh’.

Review of the ultimate rejection letter on chaos matrix.

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

Ok, it may be the three glasses of peach schnapps talking, but this may very well be the best way to respond to rejection ever. The gentleman needs to find himself a job at a local paper, if not a gazette of some sort. This kind of talent shouldn’t be wasted at some silly college that will only breed nitwit interns that inevitably bother professionals (journalists or otherwise) once they’re released.

Chris L. Jensen, whether you care or not (and based on the letter, I assume you don’t), you’re totally choice.

blog: Please Help  review: http://www.azdem.org/blog/

I guess looting our pockets in the form of taxes is no longer good enough for the Democrats of Arizona:

We will be collecting nonperishable foods, holiday baskets filled with goodies, unwrapped gifts for children, teenagers and adults, plus school supplies and toiletries.

Uh, you even want to take my toiletries?  YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!  For goodness sakes, it’s Christmas!

Apparently no one ever told the Democrats that it is better to give than to receive.

For the act of scroogery,

I award this blog entry the rating, “Totally Bogus!”