Totally Choice

A recent media revelation has revealed what most citizens (going to heaven) have long suspected, that Sarah Palin’s stance on energy policy, building a $30 billion dollar gas pipline in Alaska, is a pre-ordained plan of God’s. Clearly, this project is crucial to “unifying people and companies… so pray for that.”

As if it weren’t already obvious, the Huffington Post also had to point out to it’s stupified base, what Sarah Palin has been announcing all along, that there is a plan for the Iraq War, and that plan is God’s plan.

But here is where confusion sets in. Bear with me liberals, this could be a particularly rocky read for you. The John McCain camp has made it clear that they are not in favor of a windfall profits tax on oil companies; however, Gov. Sarah Palin recently supported a tax increase on big oil, providing an extra 6 billion dollars to the superfluous Alaskan budget. So which position is part of God’s plan? Did one of these candidates forget to read their daily Republican talking points? It’s quite simple, really. They are both right! And if you don’t understand that, this is part of God’s plan as well. And if that too is confusing, pray for wisdom, so that you may finally put your country first, and not let sin stand in the way of progress.

One thing we can all agree on (god said so), is that Sarah Palin looks smokin hot on this motorcycle.

Barack Obama is BLACK!

What an exciting time to be an American! Barack Obama figures to be the 3rd African American president, and the first since Martin Luther King Jr. was elected in the mid 1960’s. Though Barack’s accomplishments are minimal at best in comparison to his predecessors, his possible appointment by the American people is not of lesser importance.

Granted, Senator Obama never invented the peanut, fought in the Revolutionary War, or served as our country’s first president like George Washington Carver. Also, he never founded the Lutheran church, led boycotts in the name of civil rights, or became a medical doctor like our 2nd African American president Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He has however been described as a black candidate for president. And, until the word “black” is no longer used to describe a black man, race will always be a hurdle of ignorance in the race of life. To overcome it is important.

“God Bless the USA.”

I’m not too sure if I should be posting, what with the writers strike. By posting these 2 sentences, did I just Ellen Degeneres across the picket lines?

3. Obviously, the Dodge Nitro. It’s like Rock and Roll had a love child with the Dodge Durango. In your face, Intern. Fucking idiot. Oh yeah, also, it’s what I drive.

2. Nitro-glycerin. Ok, I know it’s actually Nitroglycerin (not Nitro-glycerin). However, I nicknamed it Nitro, so it counts. It’s basically the active ingredient in exploxives like dynamite. And, being that I like to blow shit up when I party, Nitro(glycerin) is #2.

1. If you don’t know what #1 is, you don’t know sexy. Just check out the picture.

Any questions? I didn’t think so.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m packing heat. You see, we gots this varmint creeping around our backyard eating all our plants. He’s a little rabbit…probably just a baby. It’s the cutest little thing. Too bad he’s about to die.

I decided to head over to the local Wal-mart and pick up one of those totally awesome pistols I’ve been wanting for about 15 years. She’s real sweet. She shoots brass bb’s and only costs about 20 bucks.

As it says on the box, “…fire all six shots with one hand, just like the movies.”
You know what? I think I will. One shot for the rabbit, and the other five…anything else that moves.
Damn, I love shootin’ guns.

In Canton Township, MI, a 28 year-old woman kept a dead body in her apartment for up to three weeks!

According to Detective Rick Pomorski,

“Our detectives knocked at the door and the woman opened it and there is that odor, and you know right away what it is.”

Pomorski aslo added that the woman is not under arrest. So far, the 28 year-old woman has been very cooperative with the authorities.

As of today, the police are not releasing any names. However, we at Totally Choice have a pretty good idea as to who the deceased is:

It’s Bernie and he’s at it again! He is so “Totally Choice.”