Totally Choice

Hollywood police say a man wielding a hammer lost a fight to a man with a letter opener.

What a pussy (guy with hammer). Guaranteed, John Henry wins that fight.

…even if Herbert Kornfeld is the man armed with the letter opener.

In lieu of the Intern’s latest post:

GOOD NEWS! Now when you mimic a gay police officer, you could be saving the planet!

You’ve done it at weddings, athletic competitions, and bad concerts. If you’re a complete dumbass, you’ve probably even done it alone in your room. What is it? It’s the YMCA dance, and it’s becoming a common occurrence at “Green” events across the nation.

Al Gore has announced that the YMCA dance could possibly reverse the effect of harmful emissions released into the environment. Though his theory is not backed by any concrete factual evidence, Al is quick to point out, “Neither is man-made climate change.”

So, go ahead. Buy that gas guzzling SUV. Spray aerosol cans until your fingers fall off. Just make sure you party like it’s 1979. Our future depends on it.

3. Obviously, the Dodge Nitro. It’s like Rock and Roll had a love child with the Dodge Durango. In your face, Intern. Fucking idiot. Oh yeah, also, it’s what I drive.

2. Nitro-glycerin. Ok, I know it’s actually Nitroglycerin (not Nitro-glycerin). However, I nicknamed it Nitro, so it counts. It’s basically the active ingredient in exploxives like dynamite. And, being that I like to blow shit up when I party, Nitro(glycerin) is #2.

1. If you don’t know what #1 is, you don’t know sexy. Just check out the picture.

Any questions? I didn’t think so.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m packing heat. You see, we gots this varmint creeping around our backyard eating all our plants. He’s a little rabbit…probably just a baby. It’s the cutest little thing. Too bad he’s about to die.

I decided to head over to the local Wal-mart and pick up one of those totally awesome pistols I’ve been wanting for about 15 years. She’s real sweet. She shoots brass bb’s and only costs about 20 bucks.

As it says on the box, “…fire all six shots with one hand, just like the movies.”
You know what? I think I will. One shot for the rabbit, and the other five…anything else that moves.
Damn, I love shootin’ guns.

In Canton Township, MI, a 28 year-old woman kept a dead body in her apartment for up to three weeks!

According to Detective Rick Pomorski,

“Our detectives knocked at the door and the woman opened it and there is that odor, and you know right away what it is.”

Pomorski aslo added that the woman is not under arrest. So far, the 28 year-old woman has been very cooperative with the authorities.

As of today, the police are not releasing any names. However, we at Totally Choice have a pretty good idea as to who the deceased is:

It’s Bernie and he’s at it again! He is so “Totally Choice.”