Totally Choice

Review: Whitney Houston: Let’s get this divorce done
Source: CNN

In honor of Whitney Houston’s sped up divorce proceedings, I am hereby announcing the official news: Whitney Houston gained one pound. IN HER FACE!

Please take the opportunity to use one of the following Whitney quotes at some point during the day:

“Hell to the no.”

“You either love me or you hate me. But love me, ‘cuz I love you.”

“From the beginning, the camera and I were great friends. It loves me, and I love it.”

“Whose business is it if you’re gay or like dogs? What others do shouldn’t matter. Let people talk. It doesn’t bother me because I know I’m not gay.”

“We are crazy for one another. I mean crazy in love, love, love, love, love.”

“Contrary to belief, I do the hitting, he doesn’t.”

Ummmm, check out what Sienna Miller chose to wear to the premier of her latest film, Factory Girl:

I like dressing up in my Superman tights just as much as the next guy, but I definately lack the ball size required to wear them in public.

That’s why I say, good for you, Sienna.  For your bravery, your outfit is hereby rated, “Pretty Choice.”  (A mere cape and emblem short of a perfect score.) 

review: Neck Koozie  source: www.wompro.com

I found this little trinket on www.wompro.com listed under the ”Cool New Products” category.

Take your drink anywhere without losing it!

Cool new product?  Over the last few years, I’ve seen this around the neck of almost every person at my trailer park.  I don’t know how new it is, but I do know how cool it is.  The Neck Koozie works great.  By hanging your beer around your neck, you free up both hands.  Now you can use one hand for smoking cigarettes while using your other hand for punching people, or grabbing your junk at chics (they love this), or fiddling with your pickup truck’s motor, or just simply flipping through the TV channels.

Though a good product, there is one serious design flaw.  A person is required to lift one’s beer to his/her face when taking a drink.  I maybe would have incorporated some type of straw devise.  Still, I give it 7 marks out of 10.  That makes this product “Pretty Choice” and a must have for any serious beer drinking multitasker.

Review: S.F. Company Launches ‘Meth Coffee’
Source: iWon news

You know what my venti dark roast cream-splenda-splenda-splenda coffee could use right now?  A shot of meth.

A San Francisco company, aptly named ‘Meth Coffee’ has recently launched this new energizer, allowing coffee drinkers to get that little extra boost they need.  According to iWon news,

It’s a thinly veiled reference to methamphetamines, but the company admits there is no meth in its coffee - just rich arabica coffee beans and something a little different called yerba mate.

Yerba mate comes from South America and is used to make teas and coffees there. Sellers of yerba mate products claim it raises your energy level, so pairing it with already caffeinated coffee beans could provide quite the boost.”

I’ll take mine with whip, and red-bull, please.   This look is sooooo Choice right now:

review: Pant Wars: Updated dialog for Star Wars  source: http://www.chaletzky.com/

What looks like an easy way to convert any script into an adult film, can also be a mildly amusing game.  Aaron Chaletzky from www.chalatzky.com writes,

Insert the words “pants” for other dialog, and you create a whole new conversation.”

He lists his top 15 from the Star Wars Trilogy:

1. I find your lack of pants disturbing.
2. You are unwise to lower your pants.
3. The Force is strong in my pants.
4. Chewie and me got into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
5. Your pants, you will not need them.
6. I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
7. You came in those pants? You’re braver than I thought.
8. Governer Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader’s pants.
9. In his pants you will find a new definition of pain and suffering
10. I think you just can’t bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your pants.
11. Pull up! All pants pull up!
12. I sense the conflict within you. Let go of your pants!
13. I’ve just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of our pants forever.
14. Alderan is peaceful, we have no pants!
15. These aren’t the pants you’re looking for.

I’ve also seen this done with the words vagina and pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.  Both are equal as entertaining.  However, if you find this game lame or offensive, then perhaps you should spend your time staring at this picture:

It’s a guaranteed good time.

review: Printed Toilet Paper  source: www.jeremyinc.com

Let me first say, I actually think the idea of custom printed toilet paper is “Pretty Choice.” 

I’ve often thought that it would be pretty cool to wipe my buttocks with toilet paper in the likeness of my dog.  (It would be kind of an “in your face” after all the years of picking up her poo.)

However, why is it that we as a society have not advanced past toilet paper as a means to wipe our back sides?  Can we not derive a better system for cleaning our asses?  (And don’t give me this “bidet business.”  They’ve been available since the 18th century and have yet to flood the market.)

World, it is high time we moved on.  It is time to say we are no longer going to scrub our asses with our hands.  No longer are we to be victims of the cheap public restroom tissue.  We deserve better.  Damn it, we are human beings, not monkeys.  I WANT A REVOLUTION!