Totally Choice

A recent media revelation has revealed what most citizens (going to heaven) have long suspected, that Sarah Palin’s stance on energy policy, building a $30 billion dollar gas pipline in Alaska, is a pre-ordained plan of God’s. Clearly, this project is crucial to “unifying people and companies… so pray for that.”

As if it weren’t already obvious, the Huffington Post also had to point out to it’s stupified base, what Sarah Palin has been announcing all along, that there is a plan for the Iraq War, and that plan is God’s plan.

But here is where confusion sets in. Bear with me liberals, this could be a particularly rocky read for you. The John McCain camp has made it clear that they are not in favor of a windfall profits tax on oil companies; however, Gov. Sarah Palin recently supported a tax increase on big oil, providing an extra 6 billion dollars to the superfluous Alaskan budget. So which position is part of God’s plan? Did one of these candidates forget to read their daily Republican talking points? It’s quite simple, really. They are both right! And if you don’t understand that, this is part of God’s plan as well. And if that too is confusing, pray for wisdom, so that you may finally put your country first, and not let sin stand in the way of progress.

One thing we can all agree on (god said so), is that Sarah Palin looks smokin hot on this motorcycle.

I feel like I changed America for the better with my last post.

I’m a patriot and a hero.

I guess it’s time to stock up on toilet-papaer and water, TimesOnline has recently provided photographic evidence from an exploration rover that life may truly exist on Mars. Either that, or a real martian made a terrific sculpture, of a martian posing as an ancient greek. Brilliant!

GOOD NEWS! Now when you mimic a gay police officer, you could be saving the planet!

You’ve done it at weddings, athletic competitions, and bad concerts. If you’re a complete dumbass, you’ve probably even done it alone in your room. What is it? It’s the YMCA dance, and it’s becoming a common occurrence at “Green” events across the nation.

Al Gore has announced that the YMCA dance could possibly reverse the effect of harmful emissions released into the environment. Though his theory is not backed by any concrete factual evidence, Al is quick to point out, “Neither is man-made climate change.”

So, go ahead. Buy that gas guzzling SUV. Spray aerosol cans until your fingers fall off. Just make sure you party like it’s 1979. Our future depends on it.

3. Obviously, the Dodge Nitro. It’s like Rock and Roll had a love child with the Dodge Durango. In your face, Intern. Fucking idiot. Oh yeah, also, it’s what I drive.

2. Nitro-glycerin. Ok, I know it’s actually Nitroglycerin (not Nitro-glycerin). However, I nicknamed it Nitro, so it counts. It’s basically the active ingredient in exploxives like dynamite. And, being that I like to blow shit up when I party, Nitro(glycerin) is #2.

1. If you don’t know what #1 is, you don’t know sexy. Just check out the picture.

Any questions? I didn’t think so.

In Canton Township, MI, a 28 year-old woman kept a dead body in her apartment for up to three weeks!

According to Detective Rick Pomorski,

“Our detectives knocked at the door and the woman opened it and there is that odor, and you know right away what it is.”

Pomorski aslo added that the woman is not under arrest. So far, the 28 year-old woman has been very cooperative with the authorities.

As of today, the police are not releasing any names. However, we at Totally Choice have a pretty good idea as to who the deceased is:

It’s Bernie and he’s at it again! He is so “Totally Choice.”